Apparently I am an asshole. I have been for a while, I know. The difference between now and this time last year, however, is that I'm actually trying not to be anymore. Ashley, I know you're the only one reading this and I am thankful because you've always been a good listener. Today is Tammy's birthday. I wrote on her wall, "happy birthday, everyone is older than me, it's kinda nice." And Angela commented back, "way to be an asshole Leanne. That's not nice, you're supposed to be nice on people's birthdays." . . . My birthday is in June, in June I will be exactly the same age as everyone else... Tammy clicked "like" on Angela's comment. I just feel like they've been ganging up on me for months. A few months ago Tammy told me I have no tact and am jerky to everyone and ever since then she and Angela have been basically snipping at me every chance they get. I don't know what to do. I have stopped retaliating in any way on the internet, whether it's those two or anyone else. My Aussie friend yelled at me earlier this week for getting drive thru and there were so many comments I could have made but I simply pretended like I'd never seen her post. I don't know who they want me to be. No one seems to like me anymore and whenever I bring it up all the blame falls on me. I feel like I'm stuck in 11th grade hell again where they're picking fucking Dusty over me to spend time with. I like having the friends and half-friends that I do and all of my friends are centered around Angela and Tammy. There isn't a single person I enjoy time with that doesn't know them (excluding Rocky, he doesn't know anyone). So it's not like I can just cut them out of my life like I feel like I want to right now. That would be really dumb, it would limit any and all community activities, including float trips, bonfires AND Jeremy's coming home party... Which happens to be my birthday weekend. I just don't know what to do. I can't say anything because it always becomes my fault! It always rebounds back on me because I'm the jerk. :(
It's just so hurtful and impossible for me to resolve because I of course hurt everyone all the time. I thought my comment was funny, I never would have said it had I thought they'd take it like that. I am so tired of having to defend my words. Why can't I be the nice friend that everyone likes and sticks up for once in a while?
